…

I’ve never been all that great at being “functional”

A therapist would probably attribute it to growing up in an unstable environment, but I feel like that’s too much cope. I hate that answer because its too simple and obvious. I think most people can say they feel like they thrive in dysfunctional lifestyles. Also like most people, after achieving some sort of stability I find myself lamenting for the lifestyle I had whilst manic. I wasn’t abusing substances or engaging in risky sexual behaviors or anything. Honestly looking at my routine from a surface perspective it seemed pretty healthy.

Here’s how it went:

1:30 AM (yes you’re reading that correctly): wake up in a jumpscare-like fashion, put on gym clothes, head to the kitchen to mix my supplements, pack gym bag and head out for the gym

2:00 AM: arrive at completely empty gym and workout

4:00 AM: return home, hop into the shower, dry hair by the heater for thirty minutes and ask chat gpt health related questions (also cry sometimes if I was particularly hormonal), get dressed

5:00 AM: go into the kitchen and make a very macro accordant breakfast

6:00 AM: eat breakfast, take supplements

7:00 AM: return to room to lay in bed on my phone or possibly nap before work

8:00 AM: do hair and put on work uniform

8:30 AM: go to work

9:00 AM: work until hopefully three-thirty but sometimes four (I’m a housekeeper)

4:00 PM: arrive home, change into pajamas, cram meal prepped dinner down my throat, take supplements (usually consisting of some killer sleep aids that would have me passed out within twenty minutes of taking them), get into bed and be on phone